Resist Narcissism
“Humility is not thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”
Rick Warren
For the longest time I wanted to be something. Early on I wanted to be a sportsman of some kind. Later on, something creative; an architect or engineer, an artist, a video editor, a philosopher, and most recently since I hit 20, a writer and music producer.
I would feel an intense anxiety at not reaching this something, and not doing the apparent things necessary in being this something. It is, I believe, because this something, or the idea of this something, exists in the minds of the masses, the mob, whether it is more mainstream like a clinical psychologist, or more niche, like an underground music producer.
It is, in fact, a narcissistic quality. To be admired, to be adored by thousands of others. To have the world’s attention. And, as a corollary, the masses not knowing I existed was even worse than them knowing I was poor at said craft; I was so insignificant I couldn’t even be ridiculed.
This dream of becoming something is inherent in our culture, in liberalism. But it has been patholigised by the virus that is social media. We are told we can become anything - literally anything; and while this is not true in many cases, I do believe that with dedication, one can achieve goals that would otherwise be ludicrous to aim for.
Yet, if one reorients their priorities, away from the obsession to be known and respected for your something by thousands, toward the relationships with those dearest to you, whatever anxiety was previously produced dissipates, because no longer are you behaving narcissistically.
You have humbled yourself.
By prioritising what those dearest think of you, instead of what faceless strangers on the internet think of you, you are not only optimising for your own well being - given that quality interpersonal relationships is the foundation of psychological health - but you are producing a net good in the world. You have redefined success, or as Ralph Waldo Emerson says:
“... to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived … this is to have succeeded.”
Becoming a great something does not make you a great person. It simply makes you great at that something. But by becoming a great son or daughter, a great friend, a great husband or wife and a great father or mother, then, I believe, you will become a great person.
This is not to say one should forgo fulfilling their dreams; absolutely not. To give up is one of the ultimate sins one commits upon himself. I do not want to be lying on my deathbed, with knowledge that I never tried to do things I had the talent for.
Yet, I do believe that if one takes care of what actually matters most, the rest will follow. One of my idols did as much:
“It's a little known fact that the legendary author J.R.R. Tolkien wrote the Lord of the rings saga in his spare time. After he had finished his work for the day, usually in the evenings once he had spent time with his beloved Edith and after his children had been put to bed. Family and church responsibilities came first for the fantasy genius, and in putting the first things first God blessed his writing efforts to reach millions of souls with a message that clearly points to Christ as the 'only true myth'. Christian men would do well to emulate Tolkien, putting God, wife and children first and then investing their time and effort into other pursuits that last and bless others rather than endlessly wasting the dwindling hours of a finite mortal existence.”
Rev B Murphy
Chur,
The Delinquent Academic